Sunday, October 19, 2008

...If life gives you sausages

Angry at oversleeping and missing the start of the Chinese F1 Grand Prix, this morning, I looked to the fridge for edible consolation. I had convinced myself that I had removed a mini-pack of bacon from the freezer to the fridge. No, not there. I went and sulked with a cup of tea and digestive biscuits which kept me going till lunchtime. At least my hero Lewis Hamilton won, some consolation.

Still peeved, I had another look in the fridge and found some sausages which I bought because they were 2 packs at a reduced price. OK, I've got sausages, I'll have sausages in a bun for brunch and very nice they were, with a blob of spicy chutney. The rest were portioned, wrapped, labelled and into the freezer while their comrades cooked and the coffee brewed. And the bacon IS now thawing for another breakfast another day.

Time to be angry with myself and also to try and lose some of that anger. Since I split with John, I've been angry with him, his family and ex-friends who all deliberately contributed to the breakup. I know there is no point, I'll never get the chance to stand and scream my frustration and hurt at any of them except possibly John himself. I know it is damaging my life but I don't know HOW to fix it.

The moon is on the wane, so I may try a spell to 'shrink' those angry feelings and Samhain not far away, good for more spells. In the meantime, I will just try to start each day with the attitude of not trying to rail and stress against the things that life has not brought or has cruelly taken away and work with the blessings that each day does surely bring..

3 years ago this week, John and I were on holiday in the USA. While we were away, one of our cats came to the end of his time. He had a tumour, we didn't know and it suddenly advanced so that it caused so much pain he had to be put to sleep.

On the day we went to the airport, he wouldn't say goodbye to me and I felt all through the time we were away there was something wrong. I've always believed that his spirit has stayed around and have even been sure I've seen him - like this morning - sitting on the stairs.
No chance it was Bailey, he was outside sunbathing on my neighbour's driveway - I'd just seen him through the window.

Malibu - nicknamed Mogoid was there, on the half-landing and as I walked back through the hall, his shadow ran on up and disappeared at the top of the stairs without a sound. Sleep well little bushwhackers boots - I miss your clumsy un-catlikeness - elephant, not elegant we used to say of the way he stomped around.